I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
