ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
