Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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