If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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