that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize