He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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