I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They have beer where we have blood.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
