God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
