Non-Jews are for practice
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
