I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The Olympian is in my bed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
