I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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