I think I can smell my own vagina right now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
