so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
