Porn is love you can see.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
