she woke up with a sticky ear
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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