He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
