Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
