i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
