"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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