They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
