i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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