Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
