I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my liver is dry heaving
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize