Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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