Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize