I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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