Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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