Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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