i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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