I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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