Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
