im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
