so explain again why im purple
no
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
