Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
