If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
