I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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