I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
