it's great music for shaving your balls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
