Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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