I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
