So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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