i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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