i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills