I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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