drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everything about him screamed your future.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS