i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.