im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
