I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
