I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
no you cant smoke seaweed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
