I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
