My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
