24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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