He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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