I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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