even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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