you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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