I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
