there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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