just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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