OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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