i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
