In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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