Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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