Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
