I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
