once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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