Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
