I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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