youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
