Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
