we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
