Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
