i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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