YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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