I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
