He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
