Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
