I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
