After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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