just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
