i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
