I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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