I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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