I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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