Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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