That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
