He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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