On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You took a bar mat shot.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
