Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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