just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize