My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
