So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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