Pants 0. Shit 1.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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